I have never thought about an age as much as I have thought about 35. It is not because I worry about getting older, it is because it feels like a deadline.
It feels like a deadline to have children. A deadline I could not meet.
I have always heard about having children before 35. I have had many conversations with my doctors. We have spoken about freezing my eggs for the last 5 years. Honestly, I have never really known how to emotionally handle that conversation but I am grateful my doctor has given me all of my options and left the decision to me.
As a women who has wanted children since her twenties, this birthday brings a variety of emotions. My 34th year has been good to me both personally and professionally. I will always look back at this year with fond memories but something is missing in my life. The opportunity to be a mother.
While my reasonings for delaying having children have always been thoughtful I can not say that it was not emotional. So emotional I could not even talk about it with anyone outside of my husband. We have had many long conversations about having children and have always made the decision together. That part of our life together is still on hold for several reasons. So even if situations seem as though they are ideal for this, you may not realize what individuals/couples are going through.
I share this with you as part of my personal experience but also because we don’t often have these conversations. Too many times these conversations happen behind closed doors with tears in our eyes.
To all of you who are waiting for the opportunity to be parents I hear you. I get it and I am here for you. If you ever want to talk I am a safe place and am ready to listen. You are not alone. I will just listen to your story. We are all having different experiences but the hurt is still there.
In my young life I have already taken on many roles. I begin my 35th year as a doctor, wife, sister, aunt, daughter, professor, mentor, author, business owner, podcaster, and one day I will hopefully add mother to that list.